How Effectively Do You Listen?
By Carol Putnam, PhD
I’ve taught listening skills and coached business owners and executives to improve their listening habits for roughly four decades. As an introvert, I spend more time listening than talking. It is a habit. And I find there is always more to learn about how humans effectively engage (or don’t) in listening.
Most people believe that they are good listeners. Yet a Harvard Business Review (HBR) article published in January of 2023 states that less than 2% of the worldwide population has obtained formal education on listening effectively. A research study conducted by Accenture found that 96% of professionals worldwide considered themselves good listeners. However, 98% reported spending part of their workday multitasking.
Multitasking
Remember, the brain can’t consciously pay attention to multiple inputs. Each time you multitask, the brain shifts its focus, creating a time delay between activities. When you multitask, you can’t hear, let alone process any information the speaker provides.
Of the 3,600 participants in the Accenture study from 30 countries, 80% stated they multitask during conference calls (e.g., responding to emails, sending instant messages, reading social media). Granted, the technology that has helped us be more productive also creates barriers to effective listening.
A study by researchers from the University of Texas at Austin, the University of Toronto, Canada, and the University of California, San Diego, found that “..the mere presence of consumers’ own smartphones can reduce the availability of attention resources (i.e., cognitive capacity) even when consumers are successful at controlling the conscious orientation of attention (i.e., resisting overt distraction).”
Granted, there are many barriers to effective listening in our fast-paced culture. The ping of incoming messages on our phones (or smartwatches) can distract a listener from a conversation. The ambient noise in restaurants and other public places can create a sound barrier to listening. (The bean grinder in coffeehouses can be 30 decibels above the volume of a conversation.) Open design offices are full of a constant cacophony of noises.
Listening Challenges
The 2023 HBR article stated there is a “crisis in listening” as organizations spend 80% of their corporate communication resources on speaking. Humans can listen to approximately 400 words a minute, but we talk conversationally at roughly 140-180 words per minute. This means the listener has plenty of time to think about their response, for cognitive bias to shape the listener’s perception, for them to “go on vacation” mentally, and more.
When it is challenging to find the right talent, let alone keep employees from leaving the job mentally or physically, listening is a critical skill for leaders. Many leaders fall into a pattern of ‘internal listening.’ This is a habit that many of us have fallen into at times. It is a behavior of looking at the speaker, perhaps nodding the head, but the focus is on the internal dialogue.
A study evaluating the listening comprehension of adults tested one thousand people across the US. The results, as stated by the researchers, were “dismal.” Participants were asked to watch a video and then answer fifteen simple questions regarding the video. Most of the subjects were correct between one-third and one-half of the time.
Listening Habits
There are many barriers to effective listening, but take a moment to reflect on these questions. When was the last time you deliberately listened to someone? A time in which you weren’t thinking about your response, cutting them off mid-sentence to inject your opinion, internally dismissing them or their message, or glancing down at your phone or watch?
A dear friend of mine is a good listener most of the time. However, in our conversations, he has a habit of interrupting me mid-sentence and injecting his opinion or trying to finish my sentence. I have pointed out his behavior multiple times, and he is working to change this pattern. However, it is a habit, one that is challenging to change.
Now, think about the last time someone intentionally listened to you. A time when they were genuinely attending to what you were saying, and you felt heard. A conversation in which their response was so thoughtful you felt unequivocally understood. How did that feel?
Attentive listening is crucial whether you are hearing instructions for a job assignment, listening to a child’s confusion and emotional pain, or hearing a loving request from your life partner. Humans want to be heard, acknowledged, and understood, as that makes us feel safe and part of a community. As herd creatures, we want to feel like we belong.
Listening Patterns
When you add that we all have habitual listening patterns, our ability to be effective in our listening capability is reduced even more. A study in 2019 identified four patterns of what listeners listen to and listen for.
People who filter a message through the lens of interest in others (people, groups, audiences, etc.) are classified as connective listeners. They may have internal dialogues about the message they are hearing, thinking about how others will react or how it will impact others.
Reflective listeners shift through a message to determine how what they are hearing matches their past experiences. If you hear a response like, “I’ve tried that before, and it didn’t work,” the person uses a reflective listening habit.
Analytical listeners pay attention to facts, details, and data and evaluate the message’s credibility. Their internal dialogue is typically centered around validation and proof of the information or potential costs involved in the suggestion.
Lastly, conceptual listeners are trying to suss out the big idea or big picture and the various aspects that could be substituted, modified, or changed to meet their future vision.
Each one of these habitual listeners pays attention to a different aspect of the message and conducts an internal dialogue related to their listening tendency that omits chunks of the message. Most of us are oblivious to our listening habits and patterns, but they can be improved upon by awareness and practice.
Leaders and Listening
One of the most essential skills for leaders is active listening. However, too many leaders focus their communication on telling and selling. There are times when these two communication patterns are necessary, but they should be used in specific situations rather than a customary style of communication.
While moving up the career ladder, speaking up and making sure your ideas are heard is essential as an individual contributor. Once you become a leader, listening is where you should focus your communication.
Some executives I’ve coached believed they had to have all the answers or were the most intelligent people in the room. Both assumptions limit a leader’s ability to gather information and their ability to develop their teams.
Leadership
Humble and curious leaders show a willingness to listen to different perspectives. This gives them a broader view of their organization and the business environment. A leader inspires and motivates their team by listening carefully to their stakeholders and asking questions for clarification. Asking questions and listening intently also helps to develop the thinking skills of the leadership team.
Listening is more than exhibiting certain “I’m listening” behaviors, e.g., leaning forward, nodding, and looking at the speaker. Although you may assume pretending to listen is sufficient, humans are very good at reading incongruent behaviors. Listening requires being fully present, turning off your desire to interrupt, and quieting the incessant chatter of the brain.
James Heskett, emeritus professor at Harvard, states: “Unless the leader is good at listening, not much listening goes on because people watch and emulate” (the boss). Former CEO of General Electric, Jeff Immelt, stated that listening is “the single most undervalued and under-developed business skill.”
Even when leaders attempt to listen effectively, trying to speed-read a detailed PowerPoint slide and listen to the speaker is challenging because you ask the brain to split its cognitive resources. If you are attempting to listen while reading, you are missing information from both resources.
Another challenge to effective listening is confirmation bias. Scott Cook, co-founder of Intuit, states, “Such is our tendency to find explanations that conform to our beliefs, that we’ll often persist in [error] rather than accept data that confronts [our preconceptions].” We all have our personal views, but when listening to another person, be aware of your opinions getting in the way of your listening.
Intentional Listening
Listening with intention and attention requires you to set aside the everyday distractions, the laptop and smartphone, stop notifications on your smartwatch, etc. Too many leaders believe they can multitask effectively (e.g., listening to a presentation and checking their email). However, each transfer of focus from listening to reading email requires a cognitive shift in the brain and impairs executive function in the brain.
A simple way to become aware of your listening (or lack thereof) is to use the acronym WAIT, which means “Why Am I Talking?” And ask yourself questions like, “Does this need to be said?” “Does this need to be said by me?” If you feel it is an important point, make a note to yourself and raise the issue after the speaker has finished. Taking notes is also an excellent way to practice listening.
Tips to Improve Your Listening
To improve your listening, pay attention to your habits and notice the patterns you fall into. You can’t change your behavior if you aren’t aware of how you are currently listening (or not).
Do you interrupt the speaker? Ask a friend or two to tell you the moment you interrupt them. Then, reflect on what you thought or felt before interrupting your friend. Once you notice the pattern, identify one action you can take to begin to change your behavior.
Are you conducting an internal dialogue when listening? Are you evaluating the speaker, their mannerisms, or the validity of the content? You may want to set up a cue for yourself, something simple that will remind you to stop the internal conversation and return your attention to listening.
Are you distracted by technology or the environment? Open office configurations, restaurants, coffee shops, etc., are visually distracting and cacophonous environments. Find a quiet location for a meaningful conversation. Put your phone away and out of sight. A phone on the table, even if turned off and face down, is a distraction.
Are you listening for confirmation of your opinion? If you listen only to validate your point of view, you aren’t engaged in genuinely listening to the speaker. Be intentional about listening to different perspectives. You don’t have to agree with the speaker, but be respectful and open to learning something new.
Pay attention to the questions you ask of the speaker. Hint: if you ask questions that begin with, “Don’t you agree…” you aren’t listening; you are trying to validate your opinion. Ask thoughtful questions that deepen the conversation, “Tell me more about….” or “What led you to that conclusion?”
Improving your listening takes practice, patience, and self-reflection. Identify one action you will take to improve your listening today!
Resources to Improve Your Listening Skills:
Books
The Lost Art of Listening, 3rd Edition, Michael P. Nichols and Martha B. Straus, 2021.
Active Listening Techniques, 30 Practical Tools to Hone Your Communication Skills, Nixaly Leonardo, 2020.
You’re Not Listening, What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, Kate Murphy, 2019
YouTube Videos
Make the Listener FEEL Heard. – Simon Sinek
How to Make People Feel HEARD. – Simon Sinek
LISTENING is a Trust Building Exercise – Simon Sinek
The Power of Listening – William Ury
The Art of Active Listening – The Harvard Business Review Guide
Five Ways to Listen Better – Julian Treasure/TED
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